During my very first meditation retreats, I was asked to eat in "mindfulness" in other words, in silence, being aware of every bite. I didn't have any problem with remaining static to meditate for hours, but when it came to eating, I said to myself: let me do it the way I want. I like my food, the meal is sacrosanct.
However, what in the beginning seemed to me like an ordeal, was actually a revelation, a real celebration. Being mindful of what I ate indeed, increased tenfold the flavor of all foods. For once, I was not chewing over my future plans, my problems at the office, my stress, my worries with my boyfriend, I savored food like I never did before. In another vein, doesn't sex also deserve such special attention? A few months ago, I had the chance to meet Dr. Carol Burte, a quite visionary sexologist, aware of the impact of meditation on sexual life. I asked her a few questions. Here is a first extract.
What are the obstacles to a happy sex life?
Many people consider that making love is natural and imagine that sexual fulfillment is something easy. Unfortunately this is not always the case ... In our working life subject to many stresses, it is often difficult to find moments conducive to privacy, and when it happens it is difficult for many people to devote themselves entirely to the present moment. Many thoughts may interfere.
What is the influence of our thoughts?
They are frequently negative for sexuality as they are thoughts turned to the concerns of everyday life, work, time to wake up the next day, the children in the next room... Or even worse the anticipation of a predicted failure... thus creating fears which themselves inhibit sexual responses. Our brain is our main sexual organ: it is the base of our desire, our emotions, our thoughts and the starting point of our behaviors. Patients suffering from sexual difficulties are living in a situation evolving in a vicious circle: failure of any kind will cause a negative emotion (fear of failure, depreciation, frustration, emotional pain), which itself will be associated with negative thoughts "I won't succeed", "how will 'that' work?", "I'm going to disappoint her."
What kind of consequences have you observed?
The combination of these two factors will alter the sexual behavior: not being able to relax anymore, avoid intercourse, rush foreplay, try at all costs to check the proper functioning of one's body, etc. These thoughts and behaviors, sustain the vicious circle of failure that, in addition, concerns not one person but both, the other also having its own way of experiencing the sexual disorder.
It's time to remember that with meditation our mind will gradually become attentive in all areas of our lives, to be more in the present moment, the only moment that really exists. Practicing mindfulness helps to be in a sympathetic understanding with respect to what is happening in our body and in our mind without judgment. It is also to stop the race to orgasm, which prevents us from enjoying what is going on here and now.